Thinking About Patterns

We seek out all kinds of treatment while in crisis. But once the crisis has abated, we often find ourselves reverting to unhealthy patterns.

Learning how to derail old patterns isn’t magic or instantaneous work. Our patterns run deep and are intertwined with our sense of self. Because they are so familiar we tend to follow them as if reading a map, often without being aware that we are doing so. They are psychologically and neurologically etched into our processing and behavior. Some of us may even find ourselves repeating painful patterns because, to some degree, we find comfort in them. As human beings, we usually find sameness and predictability more agreeable than change and novelty. Interrupting dysfunctional patterns requires bringing them into our complete awareness. This is easier said than done and may explain why so many pop psychology or self-help books don’t actually change our lives in any sustainable sense.

Therapy does not “repair” or “fix” you. Rather, it is a process of unfolding and viewing—perhaps for the first time—aspects of ourselves that we may not be aware of or that we may even have been avoiding.

Sometimes, in order to see things within, we first need to be seen by another. A therapist can help us see patterns that we often can’t see within ourselves. We gradually learn to become aware of our patterns. We do not judge them. We observe them curiously. We work to create new ones while we rewrite the script of old ones. Once we become aware of our patterns, change often happens intuitively. What no longer serves us naturally fades away.

This partnership between client and therapist is sacred. It requires trust and courage on the part of the seeker and both a strong foundation in theoretical knowledge and sensitivity on the part of the therapist. To learn more about my unique approach to therapy, click here.