Patterns From The Past

 “Happily ever after doesn’t begin with Once upon a time: it begins with Now”

S. Mitchell

 

I work from a Psycho-dynamic perspective that holds the past accountable for some of the patterns we exhibit in the present. I also believe the relationships we choose and the way we communicate with others is a combination of learned childhood family patterns as well as patterns acquired from our adult life circumstances. We are a mixture of family trends, social and interpersonal influences and inherited personality traits. We each mature and develop according to who we are and what we have experienced in our life and our personal development never stops.  This interplay between our past experiences and ongoing life events is always at work and what is responsible for our uniqueness and complexities. My approach in the therapeutic relationship is the exploration of  how to see our personal trends impact our lives. Therapy does not “repair” or “fix” you (yes, it IS too late to have a happy childhood)! Rather, it is a process of unfolding and viewing ( perhaps for the first time), aspects of ourselves that we may not be as aware of and/or for a myriad of reasons, have been hesitant to examine. Furthermore, if we do not connect our past experiences to how they interconnect in our present lives, we may find ourselves repeating the same disruptive patterns over and over.

The Seeker And The Therapist

Learning how to derail old patterns isn’t magic nor quickly acquired. These old patterns sustain our sense of self.  Because they are familiar patterns of interpersonal relatedness, we follow them as if reading a map, often without being aware of how we do this. They are psychologically and neurologically patterned ways of responding.  These are not thoughts, behaviors , impulses and emotions that we are completely aware of; they are things we just do and know. Moreover we repeat even painful patterns because to some degree we find comfort in familiar patterns. We know these patterns. We know how to react them. As human being, we find sameness and predictability more agreeable than change and unfamiliarity. Stopping dysfunctional patterns requires bringing experiences into our complete awareness .This is easier said than done and arguably why many pop psychology or self help books or tactics don’t actually change your life.

Sometimes, in order to see things in us, we first need to be seen by another. The therapist can see patterns that often we can’t see ourselves, but this partnership and this relationship requires trust and courage on the part of the seeker and a sound base of theoretical knowledge and sensitivity on the part of the therapist.